Friday, December 17, 2010

Keep On Keepin On...

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)
WARNING: This one may not be for everyone. Like, I wouldn't have wanted to read it pre-pregnant-state. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.
My biggest fear.
(YES, THIS is my biggest pregnancy fear, not the baby having a cleft palette, or being born with it's organs on the outside, this creepy Alien-like scariness happening tops the list... It IS all about me, you know.)
At the risk of sounding like a cliché, I would have to say that getting pregnant was probably the most in-touch with my body I've ever felt. And not exactly in the best way. After getting back from our trip to Lebanon I contracted campylobacter, which is basically a mutant strain of e.coli. From sushi. In NYC. Not okay. I ended up in the emergency room for the first time in my entire life, hooked up to fluids, and getting my first dose of morphine, the abdominal pain was so bad. The recovery involved eating nothing but clear broths and laying on the couch, for an entire week, due to a complete lack of energy. The first day I was better I had some drinks with my sister, didn't feel right, did some calendar counting and the next day went out for a peestick test. The rest is history. So, after basically giving my body a complete blue-screen-of-death-restart I felt EXTREMELY in tune with what was going on. And it was strange. I specifically remember one morning driving to work, and feeling things I'd never felt before, like my insides were stretching. Kind of in auto-pilot, I spent most of the drive drawing my attention to different parts of my body, like an exercise I'd done in yoga. I "felt" each part of myself, and knew it wasn't just mine anymore, that most of what WAS mine was now existing to sustain and protect something else... What that something else was I hadn't quite wrapped my brain around (and still perhaps haven't) but I just knew my body was suddenly solely responsible for more than trying to look good in the right clothes and getting me from home to work to out with my friends. It's daunting. It's not beautiful and wonderful, and a magical moment (I mean crap, Britney Spears did it... twice... how beautiful and magical can it be?) but at that moment I was definitely an alive, cohesive, present version of myself. 
December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)
Oh boy.... ELEVEN things?? Ok in the interest of time and catching up, I think I'll copy Shoe and do five... let's try this...
Breakfast yesterday. (The orange makes it okay... right?)

1.) Junk in the Trunk. The past few years I've been pretty good about trying to BE healthy. I don't obsess about my weight, but I don't eat fast food, I don't "junk out" a lot, and my husband and I do not have a "sweet tooth," so there's never sugar in the house. At least... there wasn't. Until 3 months ago, when I suddenly COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT IT. Hooray for pregnancy cravings and changing body chemistry. I ate an entire bag of Halloween candy in the 2 weeks leading up to Halloween. Which for some may be no big deal, but for me, who just hasn't WANTED any in YEARS, it seemed obscene. With NO APPETITE in my first trimester I told myself to just get the sustenance anywhere I could, with whatever I could keep down, but now all that's over, it's time to right the ship. In 2011, for the last 6 months of the pregnancy, and obviously BEYOND, I need to focus on going back to my vegetables and lean meats, and away from the ice cream and Whopper Jrs...
2.) Bad Attitude. If I had a nickel for every time my sister and I told each other "You have a bad attitude," I could build an institute for people with bad attitudes. Its funny at the time, but it's true, in reality. And not a good thing. I need to focus on being more positive and proactive, and less pouty and complainy.
3.) DUST. Weird. I know. Everything I own is covered in a fine (or not so fine in some places) layer of dust. Plaster dust, drywall dust, or saw dust, take your pick. And ACTUAL dust in some cases! And I never want to see it again. Work is done, at least the hard stuff, I'm done living in a demolition zone, I'd like to go back to the time when I could walk around my house without brushing my pants legs off. 
4.) Clutter. The only thing scarier than gut renovating 2/3 of your house, is the realization that when you're done, you're going to have to FILL IT. So my solution was to become a massive hoarder. In the 1/3 of my house that we're ACTUALLY living in, we currently have 5 dressers, 4 easy chairs, 3 bikes, 2 "box rooms" (aka - rooms full of all the shit still not unpacked from moving in over a year ago) and a partridge in a pear tree. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.) And it's a disaster. Now that I've officially been given the doctor's order NOT to lift ANYTHING heavier than a dinner plate, it should make clearing the clutter interesting, but I'm still determined to do it. 
5.) Compulsive Worry. I'm a planner. I'm a list maker. I'm a doer. And somewhere along the way, this turned me into a worryer. I don't really like it, I kind of have enough going on without the added drama of worrying about everything all the time. Plus, it's not me. Some people are wired like that, and I truly believe the world needs those people to make it, you know, go forward. But in my little corner of life, I don't need it. So I'm gonna let it go. At least, as best as I can. (This may not be the most realistic ambition for someone about to have a kid...)

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